On being that girl

When I grow up, I want to be a zephrstyleknits girl. I want to be able to dress unconventionally, to slink hither and yon with my own breeze as I move from place to place, garments gently swaying in the wind.

I want to be that girl.

The girl that makes men stumble when she does that smile, the tongue between the teeth (the trait which looks more beguiling and childlike than childish and retarded), the quirk of the eyebrow showing amusement. The quick shrug of shoulders that is more eloquent than words.

Yes, that girl, the one that makes old men stand a little straighter and feel a lot younger. The one that every guy falls just a little in love with, the one where all women want to be her best friend, because she's smart and non threatening.

That girl wears something like this: a simple knitted top teamed with a lacey camisole, smart trousers and a flower tucked behind her ear. Look how cunning the top is, cap sleeves, garter stitch, a lacey cropped swingy tunic in a colour that doesn't ask to work with anything. It is enough to be cute. Look at the oversized shell buttons! Look at their placement and the leather thong!

I've been squeeing like a mad, mad thing ever since the pattern was posted.

But the the thing is, like my friend Helen says, I'm not that girl. I am more sporty casual, with a knitted hoodie, fingerless gloves and a fatface bag strapped across my body. Instead of smart pants I wear jeans, and hiking shoes.

I'm the sturdy girl, the one who has to think thrice before knitting something, because once knitted, it has to reflect my style, the casual, the sturdy, the solid. Someone who wears a hoodie, because she takes public transport (as well as being a pedistrian) and for whom clothes are more than an expression of personality, they are also a comfort and a home (hoodie up to protect the neck and face, pockets for mp3 player and phone).

To be honest, I need to take more risks in knitting.

I'm trying to get out of the mindset of dark colours, and sturdy shapes. With knitting, I can and should be able to experiment (within reason) with colour, and shapes, and try to explore my inner unconventionality. If I don't like it, I can rip it back, right? I tell myself. On the other hand, my knits have to reflect my way of living, my personality and the fact that I expect these knits to pay for themselves by me wearing them to death.

That top is too cute to be worn to death. It's a top designed for clever layering, for mild summer knits and college days. It's for that girl with laughter like a brook and her tongue between her teeth. It's not a top for hikes in the peat district, with a knapsack on my back. *sigh*

It's okay, I've gotten used to being sturdy girl, but damn it, I want to be that girl, and tear down my bloody stupid topdown to use the yarn for Juliet.